15 Signs You Know You're Dating A Boobaholic: For The Girls

"BOOBS! OMGOMGOMG!"

Written by Gia Gotham


1.Their eye level never quite seems to be level. *Ahem* *Ahahaaahem.* Yea that didn't work. Your boyfriend can't help himself. You are now asking yourself when he told you that you have "the most beautiful eyes" he's ever seen whether "eyes" meant tits.
2. When you say "Oww!" he immediately checks to make sure your assets are okay first. Hey, he cares.
3. Doesn't matter if you wear rumpled t-shirt or a designer top, if your tits look huge and perky it's immediately his favorite. You know the shirt. It could even be sweaty and smelly from your workout. You have his complete attention. *Ahem*
4. He knows your bras better than you. You might have forgotten which one you put on this morning. Once he sees you he gets that knowing smile. Well you earn that smile if it's one he likes. He also all of a sudden turns into Versace with his bra suggestions. "Where's your little black satin one with the pink lace trim? I think it's exactly what that top needs."
5. You already caught on to his caveman like language. This also applies to THE bra. "Are you wearing the purple one" And you know exactly what he's referring to. Even his nonverbal language. You adjust your top and it's his dinner bell. Guess who decided to stop tweeting? Dinner is served. Work it girl.
6. An Angelina Jolie double could walk by and nothing. She could have a 12 for a face and bod, but if there isn't any lady lumps or significant boobage she could be a potted plant for all his attention could care. Meh.
7. Doesn't matter what the position, your boobs must be in excellent view. This could be during anything on the menu. Just think about and you'll know. *wink*
8. You become the most interesting, funniest, and smartest person when your brains are pushed up. You didn't think your work story could have earned you so much support. You had to repeat your joke a few times at your girlfriends house to get a freaking pity giggle. Now you're fucking Jeff Dunham. Literally. Ba-da-dun.

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9. Their eye contact can be felt with your "eyes". You feel your top getting a bit hot. Like laserbeams burning into your tits. Oh that's right. Boyfriend is in your passenger seat.
10. The only one of your girlfriends he doesn't mind is the one who is obviously largely endowed. You know which one. She could have a butta face. When she's over and he's hanging with you both it doesn't matter if she's drumming on about "how big of a bitch Becky is" he is all boobs, erm ears. You know it's harmless. He's a boobman, erm caveman.
11. You can count on him to know all about celebrity tits. Want to know who had a reduction after what movie? Want to know the hot/boob timeline of each busty star? Notice when given the details how their hotness factor directly correlates to their chest size. Men's magazines are pretty well known for this too. Kick that brunette off the hot 50 list for getting too skinny or less boobie. But hey we couldn't agree more.
12. Your man complains about the breasts at Hooters. And not the chicken breasts. "They've gotten so lax on their requirements to work here. I mean is their 'stacked' standards something bigger than the buns on their burgers?" He's a traditionalist, if your restaurant name suggests huge hooters being served alongside chicken wings he feels robbed of his $8.99 meal when his boss's moobs dwarfs the waitresses.
13. He has a heightened concern of you losing your boobs when you mention getting in shape. As soon as you start on about wanting to lose a few and shape up his immediate response is, "What about your boobs?" paired with a look of horror like a little kid being told a scary story.
14. He loves you exactly the way you are but perks up when you mention the idea of getting a boob job. You say you love your boobs but after having a baby would consider getting a little lift and vavoom. He is all boobs, erm ears. Interestingly enough he already knows a bit more about breast augmentation than you do to which during this realization gives you that paired look of horror. "I'm dating the Boobie Monster" you tell yourself. Don't be afraid. This monster only sets out to motorboat the living daylights out of you. Enjoy it.
15. His obsession runs so deep you practically get a contact high off it. You never really paid much attention to your boobs and other women's, until you dated him. At first you just felt like he gave you that extra boost of confidence and awareness of how awesome your boobs are...until you started noticing more and more other women's chests and started up your own research of natural and unnatural breast enlargement. It may be what lead you to my blog. Don't worry. It's called Boobie Greed and it's incurable. And there are many more like yourself.